Enthusiasm Goes A Long Way

1.I hit a bird with my windshield on my way to work and killed it dead. A bit more amusing than the guy on his cellphone who bumped into the back of my car while sitting at the stoplight. For some reason I wasn't in the mood to listen to Prince Hits 2 anymore.

2.I've been looking for an excuse to call someone "a pair of clownshoes" but when the opportunity arises I'm speechless to some drunk "mullet having" redneck making fun of my hairstyle.

3.At work, they take away my weekends then wonder why I don't have more enthusiasm in my voice during my calls. Meanwhile, I envy the unemployed fat guy who sits around and plays nintendo at his moms house. Anything is better than being trapped in a cubicle.

4.I had a jar full of quarters and spent it all at the laundromat, the dryers never got my clothes dry after 5 cycles so now they're damp and soured. I want my quarters back, so I can waste them all in a claw machine that has no grip against plush toys wedged inside so tightly that no man could ever win... yeah, that is what I want.

5.I want an upright bass, a harmonica, and a ping pong table. Is that too much to ask? It is isn't it?

Have I mentioned that I hate my job?